Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
MY BLOG HAS MOVED!
Hey! If you haven't noticed, I haven't been here in a while. My blog has moved. I have moved to Tumblr.
http://epiphanysmashingpumpkinsfan.tumblr.com
Thank you!
-Epiphany, FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR!
http://epiphanysmashingpumpkinsfan.tumblr.com
Thank you!
-Epiphany, FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
In Class Suspension [Short Story/Fiction]
Before the story begins, let my explain its origin. It is based on when my fourth grade class [and the ever so "wonderful" teacher I had] recieved two "silent" days for being annoyingly loud while my fourth grade teacher was out of the classroom. These silent days that are in the short story are much like the silent days that I had-except the story itself is made up. It is only based on a true story. Also, Pearl Jam gave me the inspiration to write some of this story with their song "Jeremy"-kudos to them.
In Class Suspension by Epiphany Thomas
“Jeremy spoke in class today….”-Jeremy, by Pearl Jam
In Room 17 at J.J. Washington Elementary School in Worthington, Illinois, the fourth grade gifted class was about to receive the shock of their lives. Marissa Allen, a ten year old fourth grader in gifted, was putting her black hair back in a ponytail and was wearing blue jeans and a black graphic t-shirt from Aeropostale. She’d finally look popular, and feel good about herself as well. Marissa’s near non-existent self-confidence was finally in full swing.
Jeremy Dallen was also a ten year old fourth grader in gifted at J.J. Washington Elementary School in Worthington, Illinois. Jeremy had short, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. His world was about to be shaken today. Before either of their cores could be rocked, they both took bus 34 to school. Jeremy had a huge crush on Marissa. Just one thought of Marissa, and Jeremy had a fever that made him feel like he had the stomach flu.
Marissa didn’t think of Jeremy much, and didn’t really care about him. Marissa was the world to Jeremy. Room 17, however, split them far apart. The classroom has been split up by boys and girls, girls on the right side of the classroom, boys on the left side of the classroom. Mrs. Cherish, the fourth grade gifted teacher, always showed favoritism for girls and never really wanted boys and girls near each other.
The isolation from Marissa that room 17 imposed drove Jeremy wild. He would come home bawling like a toddler because he missed her so much. Marissa, on the other hand, had a crush on a boy in class named Steven Olisk. Steven had long dark black hair that was down to half of his back, brown eyes, and an almost all Aeropostale style.
Whenever Jeremy saw Marissa talking to Steven, it would make his blood boil with jealousy. Today was finally going to be the day that Jeremy got to know Marissa. Marissa was finally going to know that Jeremy really existed. When Marissa walked into room 17 today, she eluded all signs of unhappiness today. Today was going to be her day, and no one else’s.
When Jeremy walked into room 17 today, he eluded all signs of confidence and walked with nervousness, trembling with fear. Jeremy went to the restroom to call down his nervously beating heart, but he began to get flushing hot with nausea. The nausea got to him, and he vomited into the toilet. However, nothing would keep him from Marissa today, not even the swine flu.
During class time, Mrs. Cherish had to go run some errands and left her classroom unsupervised. The children of room 17 were paired boy-girl for a language arts project, and Jeremy finally had Marissa as a partner. He would finally get the chance to really speak with her.
“Class, continue working on your projects while I run some errands. If I find one person off task, than nothing good will happen. That is ALL that I am going to say.” Mrs. Cherish yelled to the class.
Jeremy was nervous about Mrs. C’s comment. He knew that if he messed up, that he’d be sorry. He already had no friends and a mother that constantly yelled and shouted at him. He needed Marissa to help him out. Marissa was the only thing that gave his life any meaning to it whatsoever.
“Marissa, how are you?” Jeremy nervously asked her.
“I am feeling pretty good for once. I am not worried that any of the boys in this classroom think that I am disgusting.” Marissa said to Jeremy.
This was the first time that Marissa told anyone of how she thought boys thought of her looks in school. Jeremy was heartbroken that any guy could think of Marissa in that manner.
“I think that you are gorgeous.” Jeremy told her.
His hands were shaking, he was about to vomit again, and his stomach ached of fear over how Marissa would respond.
“Do you really think that I am gorgeous? Thank you.” Marissa said quietly.
Marissa began to blush. Marissa had been waiting for over six months for a guy to tell her that she looked gorgeous, or even remotely close to beautiful. Jeremy and Marissa sat there and began talking about their personal lives for 15 minutes. As soon as Marissa began laughing hysterically because of a funny joke that Jeremy told, Mrs. Cherish walked in.
“Marissa, why are you laughing?” Mrs. Cherish screamed at Marissa.
Marissa’s heart nearly stopped. She had never in her life been scolded in such a manner.
“Something funny about the story that Jeremy and I are writing.” Marissa responded nervously.
The assignment was to write a short story that would appeal to children in the first grade.
“Marissa, laughing is being off task! The whole class now has an in class suspension tomorrow because of you!” Mrs. Cherish screamed.
Jeremy began crying, mainly because he felt so guilty that the class was being given an ICS to serve the next day. He wanted to die right then and there. Marissa was stunned with fear that the class would hate her more. The whole class was immediately sent back to their seats.
While they were in their seats, Mrs. Cherish began explaining what an in class suspension was.
“An in class suspension is an in school suspension for an entire class of elementary school students. This is for a time period ranging from 1-5 days, and during this punishment, you are not to look at each other, you are not allowed to talk, you are not allowed to sleep or put your head on the desk, you are only allowed to do work, draw, or read. No activities are allowed to be attended during this time period, not even band or chorus. This is intended as punishment. A washroom break will be allowed before lunch and at 2:05 P.M. You are not to talk during lunch.” Mrs. Cherish said.
Jeremy was already planning how he was going to kill himself before tomorrow in his head. Marissa was thinking about comforting Jeremy on the bus today because of all of the guilt that he felt on the inside. When Jeremy arrived on the bus at 2:37 that afternoon, seven minutes after school ended, he began crying again.
Marissa sat next to Jeremy and gave him a hug.
“Hey Jeremy, I’m sorry about what happened today. I’ll find a way to talk to you tomorrow.” Marissa said to him with hints of guilt in her voice.
Jeremy hoped that he would get the chance to somehow talk to her the next day. As he nervously wobbled down the hall to room 17, there was still that feeling of nausea. The same exact feeling he had the day before, just intensified by 10 times.
“Alright class, in class suspension is in full effect. The ten work packets that you need for the day are on the front table. These ten packets contain work in the subjects of math, reading, social studies, and science. Please grab all 10 packets and get busy working on them. Anyone who talks or passes notes receives an automatic 2 days of in school suspension and gives the class another day of in class suspension.” Mrs. Cherish said.
Jeremy became highly infuriated with Mrs. Cherish. However, Jeremy knew that he would risk anything for Marissa-even if it meant two days in the school’s tightly packed in school suspension program. Marissa, on the other hand, was a total goodie two shoes. She had never even received a detention before, nonetheless put into a suspension program.
Mrs. Cherish had to unexpectedly leave the room to run errands, and while that happened, Jeremy made a switch of seats and sat in the empty seat next to Marissa. The girl that sat next to Marissa was absent that day, and had probably skipped school to avoid the suspension.
Marissa sat in her seat and instead of working on the packets; she daydreamed of how great life would be with Steven Olsik. That is until Steven walked out of his seat, came up to Marissa, and called her an ugly snot that didn’t deserve life. Marissa began uncontrollably sobbing at her seat. She had a huge crush on Steven for 5 years and for Steven to crush her heart in such a manner was unspeakably devastating to her.
Jeremy passed a note to Marissa that read, “Steven is someone who doesn’t deserve life.”
Unfortunately, Steven happened to look over Jeremy’s shoulder when Marissa read it.
“Excuse me Jeremy, but you are a gay punk with no friends!” Steven shouted in front of the whole class.
Mrs. Cherish had still been running errands, and it had been 45 minutes later. Jeremy was worried that if Mrs. Cherish never came back that a huge fight would erupt between him and Steven.
“Come on punk; show the whole class what you’re made of, ice cream soft serve!” Steven shouted toward him.
“I hate you, and you have no life other than to call a girl that you don’t even know a loser. I feel sincerely sorry for the girl who ever has to date you. Oh wait, I don’t even think anyone wants to date you. If you are so judging of a female at 9 or 10 years old, how do you think that you will be in the future? You are a horrible example of a male, and I hope that my words have emotionally emasculated you.” Jeremy said loudly in front of the whole class.
Jeremy’s words truly emasculated Steven, so much so that Steven nearly cried in front of the whole class. Steven always thought that several females liked him.
Marissa passed Jeremy a note that read, “Jeremy, you’ve truly spoken for me. I feel so loved and adored, and I just want to tell you that I love you.”
Once Jeremy read the note, he wrote a reply that gave Marissa his cell phone number, asking her to text message him when she could.
Mrs. Cherish walked into room 17, and unfortunately saw the note that Jeremy passed Marissa.
“Jeremy, what did I say about passing notes?” Mrs. Cherish said.
“While you were gone, I stood up to a little boy that made a girl cry and one that called me a punk. While you were gone, I made someone’s day a whole lot better by just simply reminding them that I loved them. Why? Because love is stronger than any of the rules.
Love is stronger than any emotion, and love is an euphoric feeling. Love is a word with several connotations and different meanings. If you understood what love was, Mrs. C, than you would maybe understand why I am willing to risk my freedom in school for the girl that I love.” Jeremy said in a haughty manner to the teacher.
“Jeremy and Marissa, both of you go down to the in school suspension room right now! You have both committed a severe violation of the rules and have earned 5 days of in school suspension!” Mrs. Cherish yelled.
Jeremy and Marissa refused to leave.
“I SAID RIGHT NOW!” Mrs. Cherish screamed.
Jeremy and Marissa still refused to leave the classroom. The goodie two shoes of the classroom was finally speaking out, but not with her words.
“Alright, now that the both of you have disobeyed orders once again, you both have now given the class 5 days of in class suspension!” Mrs. Cherish yelled.
“Even if the whole class serves an ICS for 5 or more days, Marissa and I will not leave. You might as well give up on punishing us.” Jeremy said to the teacher.
As a result of Jeremy’s words, he was given 5 days of out of school suspension, effective immediately. As soon as the clock reached 2:30, and Marissa walked out of school, she texted Jeremy’s cell phone number.
“Are you alright?” Marissa texted Jeremy.
“I am alright, my mother is finally proud of me for sticking up for myself, and I am headed to a family outing with my sister and cousins.” Jeremy replied.
Jeremy’s palms began to sweat, his heart pounding out of his chest, because he had one more urgent question to ask Marissa.
“May I ask you a question Marissa?” Jeremy texted to Marissa.
“Anything you want.” Marissa replied.
“Will you go out with me? ” Jeremy texted Marissa.
Marissa had been waiting for a boyfriend since the beginning of third grade.
“Of course sweetheart! :D” Marissa replied to Jeremy.
Jeremy and Marissa remained a couple for 12 years, and eventually got married and had three kids named Jacob, Alexandria, and Jonathan. Who knew that a day originally intended as a punishment for a group of fourth grade gifted kids would eventually end in true love?
[End story]
PLEASE comment and tell me what you think! :) Much appreciated.
-Epiphany Thomas
In Class Suspension by Epiphany Thomas
“Jeremy spoke in class today….”-Jeremy, by Pearl Jam
In Room 17 at J.J. Washington Elementary School in Worthington, Illinois, the fourth grade gifted class was about to receive the shock of their lives. Marissa Allen, a ten year old fourth grader in gifted, was putting her black hair back in a ponytail and was wearing blue jeans and a black graphic t-shirt from Aeropostale. She’d finally look popular, and feel good about herself as well. Marissa’s near non-existent self-confidence was finally in full swing.
Jeremy Dallen was also a ten year old fourth grader in gifted at J.J. Washington Elementary School in Worthington, Illinois. Jeremy had short, dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. His world was about to be shaken today. Before either of their cores could be rocked, they both took bus 34 to school. Jeremy had a huge crush on Marissa. Just one thought of Marissa, and Jeremy had a fever that made him feel like he had the stomach flu.
Marissa didn’t think of Jeremy much, and didn’t really care about him. Marissa was the world to Jeremy. Room 17, however, split them far apart. The classroom has been split up by boys and girls, girls on the right side of the classroom, boys on the left side of the classroom. Mrs. Cherish, the fourth grade gifted teacher, always showed favoritism for girls and never really wanted boys and girls near each other.
The isolation from Marissa that room 17 imposed drove Jeremy wild. He would come home bawling like a toddler because he missed her so much. Marissa, on the other hand, had a crush on a boy in class named Steven Olisk. Steven had long dark black hair that was down to half of his back, brown eyes, and an almost all Aeropostale style.
Whenever Jeremy saw Marissa talking to Steven, it would make his blood boil with jealousy. Today was finally going to be the day that Jeremy got to know Marissa. Marissa was finally going to know that Jeremy really existed. When Marissa walked into room 17 today, she eluded all signs of unhappiness today. Today was going to be her day, and no one else’s.
When Jeremy walked into room 17 today, he eluded all signs of confidence and walked with nervousness, trembling with fear. Jeremy went to the restroom to call down his nervously beating heart, but he began to get flushing hot with nausea. The nausea got to him, and he vomited into the toilet. However, nothing would keep him from Marissa today, not even the swine flu.
During class time, Mrs. Cherish had to go run some errands and left her classroom unsupervised. The children of room 17 were paired boy-girl for a language arts project, and Jeremy finally had Marissa as a partner. He would finally get the chance to really speak with her.
“Class, continue working on your projects while I run some errands. If I find one person off task, than nothing good will happen. That is ALL that I am going to say.” Mrs. Cherish yelled to the class.
Jeremy was nervous about Mrs. C’s comment. He knew that if he messed up, that he’d be sorry. He already had no friends and a mother that constantly yelled and shouted at him. He needed Marissa to help him out. Marissa was the only thing that gave his life any meaning to it whatsoever.
“Marissa, how are you?” Jeremy nervously asked her.
“I am feeling pretty good for once. I am not worried that any of the boys in this classroom think that I am disgusting.” Marissa said to Jeremy.
This was the first time that Marissa told anyone of how she thought boys thought of her looks in school. Jeremy was heartbroken that any guy could think of Marissa in that manner.
“I think that you are gorgeous.” Jeremy told her.
His hands were shaking, he was about to vomit again, and his stomach ached of fear over how Marissa would respond.
“Do you really think that I am gorgeous? Thank you.” Marissa said quietly.
Marissa began to blush. Marissa had been waiting for over six months for a guy to tell her that she looked gorgeous, or even remotely close to beautiful. Jeremy and Marissa sat there and began talking about their personal lives for 15 minutes. As soon as Marissa began laughing hysterically because of a funny joke that Jeremy told, Mrs. Cherish walked in.
“Marissa, why are you laughing?” Mrs. Cherish screamed at Marissa.
Marissa’s heart nearly stopped. She had never in her life been scolded in such a manner.
“Something funny about the story that Jeremy and I are writing.” Marissa responded nervously.
The assignment was to write a short story that would appeal to children in the first grade.
“Marissa, laughing is being off task! The whole class now has an in class suspension tomorrow because of you!” Mrs. Cherish screamed.
Jeremy began crying, mainly because he felt so guilty that the class was being given an ICS to serve the next day. He wanted to die right then and there. Marissa was stunned with fear that the class would hate her more. The whole class was immediately sent back to their seats.
While they were in their seats, Mrs. Cherish began explaining what an in class suspension was.
“An in class suspension is an in school suspension for an entire class of elementary school students. This is for a time period ranging from 1-5 days, and during this punishment, you are not to look at each other, you are not allowed to talk, you are not allowed to sleep or put your head on the desk, you are only allowed to do work, draw, or read. No activities are allowed to be attended during this time period, not even band or chorus. This is intended as punishment. A washroom break will be allowed before lunch and at 2:05 P.M. You are not to talk during lunch.” Mrs. Cherish said.
Jeremy was already planning how he was going to kill himself before tomorrow in his head. Marissa was thinking about comforting Jeremy on the bus today because of all of the guilt that he felt on the inside. When Jeremy arrived on the bus at 2:37 that afternoon, seven minutes after school ended, he began crying again.
Marissa sat next to Jeremy and gave him a hug.
“Hey Jeremy, I’m sorry about what happened today. I’ll find a way to talk to you tomorrow.” Marissa said to him with hints of guilt in her voice.
Jeremy hoped that he would get the chance to somehow talk to her the next day. As he nervously wobbled down the hall to room 17, there was still that feeling of nausea. The same exact feeling he had the day before, just intensified by 10 times.
“Alright class, in class suspension is in full effect. The ten work packets that you need for the day are on the front table. These ten packets contain work in the subjects of math, reading, social studies, and science. Please grab all 10 packets and get busy working on them. Anyone who talks or passes notes receives an automatic 2 days of in school suspension and gives the class another day of in class suspension.” Mrs. Cherish said.
Jeremy became highly infuriated with Mrs. Cherish. However, Jeremy knew that he would risk anything for Marissa-even if it meant two days in the school’s tightly packed in school suspension program. Marissa, on the other hand, was a total goodie two shoes. She had never even received a detention before, nonetheless put into a suspension program.
Mrs. Cherish had to unexpectedly leave the room to run errands, and while that happened, Jeremy made a switch of seats and sat in the empty seat next to Marissa. The girl that sat next to Marissa was absent that day, and had probably skipped school to avoid the suspension.
Marissa sat in her seat and instead of working on the packets; she daydreamed of how great life would be with Steven Olsik. That is until Steven walked out of his seat, came up to Marissa, and called her an ugly snot that didn’t deserve life. Marissa began uncontrollably sobbing at her seat. She had a huge crush on Steven for 5 years and for Steven to crush her heart in such a manner was unspeakably devastating to her.
Jeremy passed a note to Marissa that read, “Steven is someone who doesn’t deserve life.”
Unfortunately, Steven happened to look over Jeremy’s shoulder when Marissa read it.
“Excuse me Jeremy, but you are a gay punk with no friends!” Steven shouted in front of the whole class.
Mrs. Cherish had still been running errands, and it had been 45 minutes later. Jeremy was worried that if Mrs. Cherish never came back that a huge fight would erupt between him and Steven.
“Come on punk; show the whole class what you’re made of, ice cream soft serve!” Steven shouted toward him.
“I hate you, and you have no life other than to call a girl that you don’t even know a loser. I feel sincerely sorry for the girl who ever has to date you. Oh wait, I don’t even think anyone wants to date you. If you are so judging of a female at 9 or 10 years old, how do you think that you will be in the future? You are a horrible example of a male, and I hope that my words have emotionally emasculated you.” Jeremy said loudly in front of the whole class.
Jeremy’s words truly emasculated Steven, so much so that Steven nearly cried in front of the whole class. Steven always thought that several females liked him.
Marissa passed Jeremy a note that read, “Jeremy, you’ve truly spoken for me. I feel so loved and adored, and I just want to tell you that I love you.”
Once Jeremy read the note, he wrote a reply that gave Marissa his cell phone number, asking her to text message him when she could.
Mrs. Cherish walked into room 17, and unfortunately saw the note that Jeremy passed Marissa.
“Jeremy, what did I say about passing notes?” Mrs. Cherish said.
“While you were gone, I stood up to a little boy that made a girl cry and one that called me a punk. While you were gone, I made someone’s day a whole lot better by just simply reminding them that I loved them. Why? Because love is stronger than any of the rules.
Love is stronger than any emotion, and love is an euphoric feeling. Love is a word with several connotations and different meanings. If you understood what love was, Mrs. C, than you would maybe understand why I am willing to risk my freedom in school for the girl that I love.” Jeremy said in a haughty manner to the teacher.
“Jeremy and Marissa, both of you go down to the in school suspension room right now! You have both committed a severe violation of the rules and have earned 5 days of in school suspension!” Mrs. Cherish yelled.
Jeremy and Marissa refused to leave.
“I SAID RIGHT NOW!” Mrs. Cherish screamed.
Jeremy and Marissa still refused to leave the classroom. The goodie two shoes of the classroom was finally speaking out, but not with her words.
“Alright, now that the both of you have disobeyed orders once again, you both have now given the class 5 days of in class suspension!” Mrs. Cherish yelled.
“Even if the whole class serves an ICS for 5 or more days, Marissa and I will not leave. You might as well give up on punishing us.” Jeremy said to the teacher.
As a result of Jeremy’s words, he was given 5 days of out of school suspension, effective immediately. As soon as the clock reached 2:30, and Marissa walked out of school, she texted Jeremy’s cell phone number.
“Are you alright?” Marissa texted Jeremy.
“I am alright, my mother is finally proud of me for sticking up for myself, and I am headed to a family outing with my sister and cousins.” Jeremy replied.
Jeremy’s palms began to sweat, his heart pounding out of his chest, because he had one more urgent question to ask Marissa.
“May I ask you a question Marissa?” Jeremy texted to Marissa.
“Anything you want.” Marissa replied.
“Will you go out with me? ” Jeremy texted Marissa.
Marissa had been waiting for a boyfriend since the beginning of third grade.
“Of course sweetheart! :D” Marissa replied to Jeremy.
Jeremy and Marissa remained a couple for 12 years, and eventually got married and had three kids named Jacob, Alexandria, and Jonathan. Who knew that a day originally intended as a punishment for a group of fourth grade gifted kids would eventually end in true love?
[End story]
PLEASE comment and tell me what you think! :) Much appreciated.
-Epiphany Thomas
Monday, May 9, 2011
The End Of The Break & Reasons Why [2011]
The break between "Jamie" and I is now over. The break HORRIBLY backfired. The first week, I joined a different lunch group....and they were full of "popular" people that generally liked me. However, I didn't talk much to them. There wasn't alot that I could relate to them. By the second week, I felt like no one at the table really liked me....or wanted to talk to me...or cared. So, I decided to move to a different group.
Meanwhile, I saw Jamie hanging out with her friends, and I thought that she was having the time of her life. I felt completely miserable and lonely. The thoughts consisted of "You can end this break at anytime, Epiphany.", but I never did end the break [until now]. I had a mental breakdown where I was literally crying so hard that I was shaking because of all of the loneliness, pain, and anger I had felt...plus, I had gotten into an argument with my mother that was so bad that she called me a "goddamn liar". I honestly wanted to die.
The new tables that I was sitting at really weren't working out for me, so I ended up sitting at a table by myself. Sitting at a lunch table by yourself was usually intended as punishment, as that was a form of isolation from others. This wasn't a form of punishment, but rather something that was needed: my parents told me that I was trying too hard to make friends, and that I was too pushy. So, what other options did I have? When my parents told me those things, I felt like complete and total shit.
The first week of isolation wasn't working out. I hated it...I wanted to scream to the Heavens because I felt so alone. Of course, Jamie was sitting with her other friends, and I wanted to punch someone. I felt like the world had given everything good to Jamie and not to me. Yesterday, I talked to Jamie for about an hour! We called the break off on mutual terms. I later found out that she felt extremely alone as well, and we were both pretty much horribly affected by it.
-Epiphany Thomas
Meanwhile, I saw Jamie hanging out with her friends, and I thought that she was having the time of her life. I felt completely miserable and lonely. The thoughts consisted of "You can end this break at anytime, Epiphany.", but I never did end the break [until now]. I had a mental breakdown where I was literally crying so hard that I was shaking because of all of the loneliness, pain, and anger I had felt...plus, I had gotten into an argument with my mother that was so bad that she called me a "goddamn liar". I honestly wanted to die.
The new tables that I was sitting at really weren't working out for me, so I ended up sitting at a table by myself. Sitting at a lunch table by yourself was usually intended as punishment, as that was a form of isolation from others. This wasn't a form of punishment, but rather something that was needed: my parents told me that I was trying too hard to make friends, and that I was too pushy. So, what other options did I have? When my parents told me those things, I felt like complete and total shit.
The first week of isolation wasn't working out. I hated it...I wanted to scream to the Heavens because I felt so alone. Of course, Jamie was sitting with her other friends, and I wanted to punch someone. I felt like the world had given everything good to Jamie and not to me. Yesterday, I talked to Jamie for about an hour! We called the break off on mutual terms. I later found out that she felt extremely alone as well, and we were both pretty much horribly affected by it.
-Epiphany Thomas
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
A Statement Reguarding "Jamie"
Remember the last blog I posted [from 4/17/11]? Well, I have some news. Jamie and I are basically no longer friends. We have decided to take a break for a currently unknown period of time. I have decided to carry on without her because we fought too much, we get too upset, and because of personal reasons [i.e., depression]. It will be a long and hard road for both of us, because we've done everything together for the past 10 months [though it feels like 10 years], but I'm sure that we will both pull through this hard time.
I have no ill-will toward her, and I wish her the best in everything. Buy we are now, as Jimmy Chamberlin said in an interview with Spin about his current friendship with Billy Corgan, "friends from a distance". I just couldn't take everything anymore. It was either be depressed and continue fighting with her, possibly ruining our friendship, or take a break and be lonely and depressed, but still try to find new friends. I am done dealing with BS from both of our sides. This is where everything ends....for now. I thank everyone for their support in this very hard time.
Love,
Epiphany Thomas
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Well, There Goes 10 Months of My Life. [2011-now and ongoing.]
You all know my best friend, right? Well, I have a feeling that it's all falling apart. I've been questioning this for a while, but we've always pulled through as best friends. Let's just call this girl Jamie [cause her name is hidden for privacy reasons]. Jamie and I have been best friends for 10 months, and we've been through some crap that has nearly caused the end of our friendship. She's also had a crush on my crush, dated one of my ex-boyfriends that I hated, told me how horribly some people have thought of me, and more.
She even made me cry by telliing me how the guy I really liked was dating someone else, when really he wasn't and she just wanted to see how I'd react. However, with our pain, has come the great time: sleepovers, our talks, and the like. I valued those over our bad times, and really got past those. After all of that crap, I was still her friend, and for the most part, she was mine. I have snapped on her, but that was rare.
Still, since Friday, I felt our friendship really fall into shambles. She told me how other people told her "Why hang out with Epiphany? You're cooler than her!". She told me that she wouldn't stop hanging out with me. So, all weekend, I felt hurt. I thought everything that has happened, and I really felt our friendship become smaller than it was when we started.
However, I gave it some thought, and decided that I should forgive her. We got into an argument today. It was over me being really upset about me messing up a pizza, and I said some profanities [as I usually do when I am upset]. Let me preface what I am about to say by saying this-Jamie's family is extremely religous. So, I said "god damnit" because I was so upset. She requested that I stopped using that word around her, because it was so horrible, and "blessed" me.
I replied that I have the right to the Freedom of Speech [Citing: The American Constitution- The First Amendment].....and that I could say whatever I wanted and she didn't have a right to control me. She appeared to hang up on me.....or the phone disconnected. I hung up. I called her back to see if it was just her phone disconnecting....she didn't answer. Nor has she called me back in all night.
I am sick and tired of this.....but now I have a descision to make. Once I make this descison, it won't be easy. I don't have to explain a damn thing...but I'd like to. I have had friendship problems over the past year, and I am just ready to live my life alone [or at least, with just me and my family]. Now, I know that "god damn" is a horrible word to say....especially on a Sunday....but I was a bit upset.
Either one of these 3 things happened:
1: Her religious family doesn't want me around anymore...
2: She is upset and doesn't want me around anymore....
3: Her phone disconnected [this I doubt though].
Life has given me too much of a hardship. I must think....
Epiphany Thomas
Thursday, December 23, 2010
"But can you fake it for just one more show?" [2009-2010 School Year: Band]
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."-Bullet With Butterfly Wings, Smashing Pumpkins
Truer words were never spoken about the Music Industry in a song. I whole hearted agree with Billy Corgan about the music industry in that quote. This blog is going to take a break from Misfits and Good Kids mania and focus on my career in school band.
Last year, during the 2009-2010 school year, I first started out in a school band. I wanted to play percussion because Jimmy Chamberlin inspired me to be a percussionist. I wanted to be as great a percussionist as him. I wasn't in band any of my previous years, and I didn't know the notes all too well. The school also got a new band teacher that year, and I expected the new band teacher to help me with learning all of the stuff I didn't know.
The first thing that was needed was a new band kit, which would end up costing somewhere around $60. My family had some difficulties with getting the band kit and stuff, due to some personal matters. Every Friday, Percussion had sectionals during our Related Arts rotations in the beginning of the day. Our percussion section was full of loud boys, and I was one of only two girls in percussion. I ended up making one friend that was in my percussion section, and for privacy reasons we'll refer to him as "Bruce".
Bruce and I became good friends throughout the school year that year, and Bruce is a great percussionist. He helped me quite possibly more than my band teacher did that year. At band, I was treated quite well...at least, for the first few months. Then, the pressure was on me to get the stuff I needed from the music store and my family was still having difficulties. I was being yelled at in band alot, and I felt the pressure to be perfect. I felt like I really wasn't going to amount to anything.
Bruce had a helper- Mr. S. Mr. S and I also rapidly became friends. He had a humorous personality, and could also be sarcastic at times. He actually saw progress in me when I thought I wasn't making any. I also remember that once in sectionals, I was saying that I wasn't as good as other percussionists. Then my sectionals teacher said to me that the other percussionists had been there longer than I have and that she expected them to be better than I. She also once told me that if I were to learn the notes that I would take off.
Learning music can be a hard process and it could take longer for some than it could take for others. At the middle of the year, I was basically faking my way through some concerts and faking my way through band. I felt like a failure. I considered quitting a few times because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Whenever I thought about quitting, I would stop to think "Would Jimmy Chamberlin quit?" and that gave me the motivation to continue my career in band.
The yelling continued, and the year went on with me still not having a band kit. Sometimes, I felt like I was making progress but not enough progress. School life also had great difficulties as well. I was being bullied quite a bit and I didn't have a great outlook on life. At one point, my band teacher once told me that I was going to have to learn some things on my own. I thought that she was implying that I was going to have to learn the notes on my own.
I didn't know how I was going to learn the notes and become as good as the other band members in a short and timely fashion. My sectionals teacher soon became a great help and helped me learn the notes, but I would soon forget them. I didn't have the materials I needed at my house to practice at home. I wanted to become better, but I hated the fact that I was having so many problems. I still felt like I had to be perfect.
Some of the other percussionists would help me from time to time, including Bruce. Bruce would often help me figure out the notes so that I could play the song correctly. I came into the band solely on inspiration, and found out that band was nothing like I had expected it to be.
More on my band life from this school year and last year will be coming as soon as I remember it all.
-Epiphany
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